Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Love Languages

I smile when I think about Love Languages.
Many years ago a gentleman named Gary Chapman wrote a book called, "The Five Love Languages", he had clearly done some research into the different ways that people love and like to be loved.  He lists out the Five different languages to be "Words of Affirmation", "Quality Time". "Receiving Gifts", "Acts of Service", and "Physical Touch."  He goes into great detail as to what each "language" means and why you may enjoy one over the other.  There may be things in your past that have made you that way or there may be one that is just easier for you to receive but however you got there, everyone has a love language.
But can those Love Languages change over time??
Can one person start out as a "Quality Time" person and then over time become an "Acts of Service" person? Does it change depending on your partner? What really goes into figuring out what  Love Language you are?
I know for me I used to be a "Words Of Affirmation" person.  I needed everyday to hear someone tell me I was good enough, or pretty, or special, or that I did good at something.  I would get down in the dumps and beat myself up if I did not hear "good" things about myself from other people.  I think for many people Words of Affirmation can be many different things, but for me it was being told I was ENOUGH the way that I am.  However, I am to a point now in my life where I believe I am ENOUGH and I don't necessarily need someone to confirm that. Now, don't get me wrong, it is still nice to hear that I am pretty or that I look nice, or whatever the kind words may be, but I do not wait on bated breath for them anymore in order to feel confident to walk out the door in the morning.
For me now I am a Physical Touch and Quality Time person.  I am at a place with myself where I have built my own confidence and I am my own person and now I just want to be with people.  I want to learn about them, where they came from and where they are going, or how they got to where they are today.  I love hearing about peoples lives, whether joyous or filled with struggle I just enjoy listening (and of course giving my 2 cents where I find fit).  I love to be close to people, not invading their personal bubble or allowing the invade mine, but just close to people in the sense that they don't feel alone.  I enjoy embracing people and feeling that connection with someone when I am around them.  Now, don't misunderstand me, I do not just walk around outside of my office and hug and kiss random strangers on the side of the road, but with people I meet through friends or family I like to shake their hand, give them a hug, or a slight kiss on the cheek, I feel that is a form of connection and trust.
I am sure many people read "Physical Touch" as a sexual thing and in some cases it is, however touch is not always sexual (something else I am learning).  Physical touch can mean so many things, it can be sexual, or it can be the small touch of the small of your back as your partner follows you into a room.  Physical touch can be the holding of hands, the brushing of feet while laying in bed or snuggling on the couch.  Physical touch can be the stroking of ones hair when they don't feel good, the tickle of the back, or the slight hand on the leg of the one you love.  Physical touch can be as simple as a hand shake, a friendly hug, or hello kiss.  It can also be a baby or child wrapping their arms around your neck and giving you a good kid hug.  Physical touch has so many meaning.
Gary Chapman has done even more studies to discover "Love Languages" for teens, in children, the 5 languages of appreciation in a work place, and many others.  If you are single, married, divorced, want to be married, or just dating around, I definitely recommend "The 5 Love Languages" as a read, if nothing else, it helps you get into yourself and learn things about how you love and want to be loved.
I smile when I think about Love Languages!!

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